Ladies, this one is for you so lads you might want to skip this one or keep reading, I really don’t mind. But this is coming from a woman’s perspective.
Girls, we have all experienced this before – where you’ve spotted a good looking guy in the corner of your eye. You quickly turn away because you aren’t checking for anyone at the moment. But you’re not sure of what you have seen, so you give it another glance. Then you take a proper good look at this handsome young guy. And you’re so sure you heard a Heavenly voice say that’s your husband. You look away in order not to stare. Because staring is rude, right? But you swear this is your last look and you go in for the kill. You take in everything from head to toe. His hair is looking right, the beard is connected and the outfit is dripping in sauce. But then, your body responds in a not-so-holy manner. You feel things you shouldn’t? The exhilaration, the rush you just felt quickly turns into shame and guilt. Am I allowed to feel these feelings? Why do I feel these feelings?
I remember being a young(er) christian and having a crush on a guy. I was in love (so I thought) and I was physically attracted to him. But everytime I looked at him (or his instagram profile lol) to appreciate his beauty, I felt feelings of shame and guilt. I hated my body for feeling attracted to him and feeling my body react in a certain manner. I felt like this most of the month and it heightened at that point of the month (girls you know – *whispers* the ovulating period). So I’d go through these cycles EVERY month. Do you know how tiring that gets? Wrestling with your own body on what it is meant to do? Its like fighting your phone for being able to take calls – it doesn’t make sense!
Girls, I am here to set you free! You should not feel any negative feelings towards yourself or your body because of how you feel. God created our bodies like this for a reason. God created you to be attracted to someone for a reason. And what God created was good.
However, it is how you respond to how you feel which may be the issue. So the science behind it (and I love science) is that every month we have our menstrual cycle. There is a window midway through the cycle where ovulation occurs. This is when an egg is released from your ovaries into the fallopian tube to wait to be fertilised. So whilst the egg is chilling, it has a deadline otherwise it is out of there through menstrual bleeding. So during this time, hormones are surging through your body and like an alarm system your body is screaming “somebody impregnate me now!”. This means you experience heightened sexual desire. Or in layman’s terms – horny.
I find it funny because there’s a stereotype that Christian women are prudes or “could never feel such a way”. But its biology. We do feel horny because one of our functions is to reproduce. No one would reproduce if it didn’t feel good. I will shout it from the rooftops – I do feel horny from time to time. It’s ok! And it does not mean you are less of a Christian if you do. I think total freedom in Christ also includes freedom in your sexuality. But not in the sense of sleeping around but remembering your sexuality is under the submission to God and it is good. Say it with me, my feminine sexuality is good.
Ok so we feel horny but what do we do with it then? To be honest, I don’t know. I have made the choice to wait until marriage to have sex. But when I experience heightened sexual desires, sometimes I find it difficult to remember why I am saving it in the first place! Masturbation is not an appropriate solution because it leaves you wanting more. It doesn’t actually satisfy you. Removing your triggers will help too. If social media, tv shows or certain songs trigger you, turn it off.
The only thing that keeps me going is trust. Trusting that God absolutely loves me. He knows who, when and where the best time to have sex will be. Girls, its a struggle I won’t lie but it is not impossible. We will work it out together.
But what I do know is what not to do. And that is to suppress it. To convince yourself that your sexuality is bad. Wrong. Unholy. That brings in feelings of condemnation and shame. There is none of that in Christ. Whatever choice you have made, please know that God loves you! I just wanted to emphasise that feeling sexual desire as a Christian woman is not a bad thing. Sex and sexual desire is a good thing God created. But it has been warped by the world we live in. If you have made the choice to wait, continue waiting. In the meanwhile, stop fighting what your body was meant to do.
I totally believe that freedom in Christ means freedom for your sexuality too.
I might do more blogs on sex and dating, let me know what you think in the comment section!
Let your life be a melody,