Suicide Before You See This Tear…

Suicide before you see this tear fall down my eyes… (Shout out if you know where this lyric is from!)

But it is the very motto people scream in the quietness of their hearts. They would rather die than let someone see them cry out of the pain they feel, or just be vulnerable. It sounds insane but it is possible. I mean, I used to be that person. I used to bottle EVERYTHING! I’d put on a fake smile every time someone asked me if I was OK or how was your week. I always wanted to constantly think and worry about all my issues rather than talk about them. I’d use my introspective character as an excuse not to be open.

Vulnerability – the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

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I used to hold everything in because I didn’t think anyone would understand me or worst! Judge me and think I am the weirdest or the worst person in the world. Or EVEN worse, use my deepest thoughts against me. But holding everything in was extremely toxic and nearly killed me. Honestly, keeping things in is not healthy and can actually kill you. Its like drinking poison and not. It is exhausting and mentally draining! Don’t allow the things you bottle up to explode in a way that you never expected. A study done over 12 years, showed that holding things in led to a higher risk of an earlier death and certain forms of cancer. See how toxic emotional suppression is! Don’t pretend to be OK when really you’re not OK. As Jessie J said, “It’s OK not to be OK.”

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Vulnerability can and does lead to healing, whether it be with a close friend, therapist or just a good cry from the depths of your diaphragm. Even cry out to God because He knows all things. Don’t be afraid to LET IT OUT. Learn to trust someone. Trust me it gets better when you become vulnerable and tell people whats really on your mind. Don’t fear judgement because we are all human and chances are, someone else has ALREADY or IS going through the same thing as you. Sharing experiences helps you and others to grow and mature as a person. Now, I am not saying go around to every single person and share your deepest darkest secrets. There is a difference between being transparent and vulnerable. Choose a select few or even a select one, and just be open.

God wired us for connection. We were made for relationships. God wants us to be connected to Him and to others. But to be vulnerable, you need to accept yourself. You need to be honest with who you are and HOW you feel. If you feel like trash, that’s how you feel but you don’t have to stick with that feeling. We know we are messy and flawed but God accepts us regardless. He loves us unconditionally. Nothing can surprise Him! 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT) says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” Encouraging and building each other up (1 Thess 5:11) sometimes require us being opened and honest with each other. Not everyone is against you and some people genuinely want to walk by your side and do life with you. Let them in. Let their love in. I guarantee you will be hurt in this life, but there are people and a loving Heavenly Father who can help you walk through that hurt straight to healing.

Practise vulnerability this year. Your vulnerability can encourage someone. I know I will!

Be opened,

Satta x

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