So! Guys, this is a new short series on dating and relationships. Obviously from one of my previous posts, Never Been Dated, I am not qualified to write on the whole dating/relationships thing so I called in a friend to give some advice on how to go about it! I’ve called it “Sis! Stop lyin’!” because a lot of the times, people giving relationship advice or posting on social media don’t give us the whole truth on relationships and I hope this series opens all of our eyes to things that should be considered. Whether you are in a relationship, just got into one or have never been in a relationship, this series is for you!
Here she writes about asking yourself – am I ready to date? *thinking emoji*
To answer the question simply, no you are never really ready to date – but there are some things that you can do to better prepare yourself before going out into the wild unknown that is dating.
Firstly, if you are a bookworm like me, I read a few Christian books on the topic. For example, Boundaries in Dating by John Townsend, The Wait by DeVon Frankin and Meagan Goode and Love Languages (the single’s version) by Gary Chapman just to get some insight into what dating could look like for me as a Christian woman at that time. I also searched on YouTube and came across Andy Stanley’s series on Dating. This was really helpful as Andy pointed out that one of the most important things before dating is to ‘become the one that the one you’re looking for, is looking for’. The premise of the tongue twister is, would you date you? Harsh, I know but would you date yourself? Do you have trouble with timekeeping, keeping a presentable personal appearance, are you rude, impatient and have poor financial management? How is your relationship with God and do you keep yourself accountable amongst your friends?
All too often we want the other person to have characteristics x, y and z but wo
uld someone with all the characteristics you desire, want to date you? Yes, I know we all have flaws and quirks but some are more easier to manage and overlook than others! Knowing your aspirations, core beliefs, priorities and values will also make you feel more confident about getting to know someone new and go on a date or two.
Secondly, talk to your friends who are already in committed relationships, engaged or married about their experiences from dating. It is always useful to hear what lessons they learnt along the way and get some advance of the possible areas where you could develop yourself. Also, they may have suitable single friends that they could introduce you to – there is nothing wrong with a little matchmaking!
Thirdly, and most importantly, do not put pressure on yourself to date. Enjoy the time that you have to get to know yourself without having to consider a significant other. Romantic relationships can bring out a lot of our ugly side and show us what our character is really like under-pressure, when miscommunication and disagreements arise (blog post to come on this too). You are ready to date – for the right reasons- when you are no longer envious of those in relationships or reserve visiting certain places e.g. restaurants, museums and theatre for when you have a boyfriend/ fiancé/ husband. Knowing that a relationship is not a band-aid for our brokenness and more oftentimes than not, shines a light on our brokenness – should motivate us to get healed and whole whilst we are single. This will save us a lot of aggro in the long run.
Written by Isha W.