I am in a season where I have nothing but my faith to rely on. But what happens when your faith starts to waiver and you feel like wrestling God for the things you thought you would have by now.
I am at a huge transitioning period where I literally don’t know my next steps. God has this funny way of redirecting my steps throughout my life and has told me to go in a direction where I don’t even know where I’ll end up. Because I can’t see where I am going, I felt like I was wrestling with God. He’s asking for more faith and for me to seek Him first before He tells me where to go. I respond with hesitancy. I want to know where I’m going before I seek Him. And I want a detailed map too.
WRESTLE! DING! DING! DING!
In times of uncertainty, we feel fear, weakness, failure, loneliness and doubt. We begin to wrestle with our faith and question God. Is He really good? Is really for me? Where is He?! It’s at these low points, we desperately seek God and feel He is silent or slow to answer.
In Genesis 32:22 – 32, it tells a story of Jacob wrestling with God. Up until this point, Jacob is on his way back home from being with his uncle Laban and receives news that his estranged brother is on his way to meet Jacob with an army of 400 men. If you want to know why they have beef, Jacob stole Esau’s blessing – which guaranteed him a double portion of inheritance. Esau was furious and vowed to kill him, so Jacob fled. So, Jacob is TERRIFIED at the news. One night he sends everyone else ahead of him and remains at the camp alone. Possibly to cry out to God – I mean, this guy has been through a LOT! A man appears and wrestles with Jacob until dawn. The man dislocates Jacob’s hip. When Jacob realised he was wrestling with God, he said he will not let Him go until He blesses him. The man renames Jacob to Israel, stating that he has fought with God and with men and has won. Jacob continues his journey (whilst limping) and eventually makes peace with Esau.
Jacob wrestles with God in the darkness, amidst all his fears, his failures, his weaknesses, his sins and all the things that are hurting him. Jacob eventually confronts God and has an encounter with Him that leaves Jacob changed forever. There are dark periods in our lives where we have to wrestle with God also but things never remain the same. You see, the dawn comes and light breaks. Darkness seems like forever when you’re tired and wrestling with God but light DOES and WILL break. The sun will shine again.
Our lives were never going to be easy but I believe in a God who is willing to come into our lives and help us work through our pain and suffering by allowing us to get up close and personal to wrestle with Him. Our lives will be filled with trials and tribulations, it will be messy and chaotic but our good Father is right there with us in the midst of all of it. Funnily enough this week, Jackie Hill-Perry tweeted, “We see the chaos. God sees it all.” There is a reason for chaos. I don’t know the reason but God does.
After wrestling with God, our eyes are opened to see a new perspective. I believe we gain a little more of God’s eyes. Your faith increases. You feel that little bit more empowered. You feel strengthened. You become confident knowing your prayer has been answered. Yes, wrestling is painful and exhausting but it doesn’t compare to what you gain afterwards. So I say, gather up strength to continue to fight. Life is messy but we have a God who wants to get messy with us.